Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
