I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
