on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
