no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
