walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
