so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
