I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
