Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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