i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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