it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
