i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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