Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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