she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
