Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
