I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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