I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
