My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
