There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
