The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
