you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
