He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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