Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
