I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
