first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
