I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
