I just made out with a guy for $7.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
