So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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