I am puke
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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