You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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