So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
