isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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