I think my fart just growled at me.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
