are you still at the devil's house?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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