My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
