I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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