I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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