let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
MIDGETS
????
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
