Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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