Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm passing your future prison.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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