I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
