3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
