my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
