That's intense
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
