When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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