JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
