i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i've created a new STD.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
