why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
