so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
