so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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