We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
